Thursday, January 23, 2014

The beginning

Loving ones self. What does that mean.

I don't know that I love myself.. the words of hate towards myself swirl through my brain. I'm not enough. Never enough. Not pretty enough. Not thin enough. Not strong enough. Not creative enough. Not persistent enough. Not tough enough. Not sensitive enough. Never enough.

How does one get out of that rut and where can I go from here.
I'm a stay at home mom sort of. I'm a photographer sort of. My kids go to a private preschool so I am alone a lot. I like being alone... but it gives me too much time in my head.

My inlaws just visited and I feel like a torn down pile of not enough. Even more than usual. Even my favorite coffee was not good enough. Our carefully planned decisions for the kids were wrong. What we eat is wrong. Everything.

My intent today is to take a hot shower and cleanse myself and this house. To feel good about myself and my home again and to drive out the demons. One day I may face them but for today, it is time to clear.

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